Mistakes shape you.

In my life, I have made so many mistakes.  Seriously, I think I could write a pretty good novel about all the things I've done in my life and things that have happened to me.  The good news is, I learned from every experience.  All of those experiences have shaped who I am today.  I'm sure I still have a million more mistakes to make and learn from in my lifetime.  Some people learn things the easy way, from watching others make mistakes, or just actually listening to what people say and taking it to heart.  I, however, have learned most things the hard way.  By experiencing it myself.  Sometimes I wish I had learned things the easier way.  But then I realize,  I have these awesome experiences to share with others.  I can relate to others and let them know they are not alone.  I can also let others learn from my experiences by telling them about them before they make their own mistakes.  So I suppose there is a reason why, everything I've done and that has happened in my life ...well happened. I wish I could elaborate.  I always get all of these awesome thoughts right before bed, or in the shower, or at work, when I don't have time to write them down.  Then when I actually take the time to sit and write them down... they are disappear. 

Process 2

I kind of left my readers hanging with my blog titled "Process".  I suppose that now I could explain what I was talking about? Haha. In mid- August, a major life change happened in my life.  I was transferred from the branch of my bank in Marble Falls, to our Westlake branch location.  I met a lovely person at the Westlake location who allowed me to stay on her couch, so I would not have to drive back and forth, until I was able to find my own place. She has become a very dear friend of mine.  We seemed to have an instant connection and I just started telling her things that I either don't tell people, or I wait a long time to tell people about.  Things worked out beautifully and I quickly found a wonderful roommate and a great place to live in Austin within my first month of transferring.  About a month after transferring, I got transferred once again, this time to our Barton Creek branch, but what came with it, was a promotion.  Instead of a teller, I am now a personal banker! I applied to go to graduate school, but that fell through. I did not get accepted, but I can always apply again, or figure something else out.  There's a reason for everything.  But God has definitely moved a lot in my life these past few months and I am very happy and grateful.

Ultimate Chocolate Chip Oreo Fudge Brownie

I made this amazing brownie last night.  I found the idea on Pinterest.  Here's what you do

you will need one of these & of course what this requires ... I believe it's an egg and a stick of butter..
Follow Betty Crocker's instructions to make your mix and then pour this out covering the whole bottom of your glass pan... I sprayed some Pam on the pan before.

Then...

Take your oreos and place them side by side covering the cookie mix in your pan, this is your second layer


and then...

Follow Betty's directions to make the brownie mix, I believe she wants 2 eggs and some vegetable oil for this one.

Once you have the mix ready spread this out on top of your oreos and cookie mix as your top layer


Heat your oven to 350

Place your pan in the oven and bake for 45 to 55 minutes

Take out and cool and enjoy the amazingness!!!

=)

Beautiful People

The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths.  These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern.  Beautiful people do not just happen.

Process

About a year ago I started this blog.  Looking back, I definitely did not keep up with it very well.  I was at a really good place about a year ago.  I started going to church again because I had discovered the Austin Stone and I met a man who taught me some things.  While it was a short relationship, it was definitely one that left a big footprint on my life path.  I just learned a lot from that relationship about God, myself, and what I deserve and want when it comes to relationships.  Of course, in between that time and now things have not always been perfect and I definitely have not been perfect.  I've lost my focus, I've strayed from my path... but the important thing is that I always find my way back on that path and the straying becomes less and less each time. I get stronger  in my faith, stronger in my journey and now here I am.  If you had asked me a year ago where I would be today, I probably never could have predicted this for you.  I fear to say too much, because right now is still a process and I really have no idea what is going to happen.  And despite that instability, I feel completely secure.  I know that everything is going to be alright.  I can handle whatever comes my way with God by my side. 

Why God Created Woman from Man’s Rib

I stumbled upon this today. It's too beautiful to not share.



It’s amazing how God made man, and so beautiful how he made woman!
Why did God create Woman from Man’s rib, when He could
have simply created her from dust, as He did Man? This
is a story that puts a beautiful touch on the
reasoning:
“When I created the heavens and the earth, I spoke
them into being. When I created man, I formed him from
the dust of the Earth and breathed life into his
nostrils. But you, woman, I fashioned after I breathed
the breath of life into man because your nostrils are
too delicate. I allowed a deep sleep to come over him
so I could patiently and perfectly fashion you. Man
was put to sleep so that he could not interfere with
the creativity. From one bone I fashioned you. I chose
the bone that protects man’s life. I chose the rib,
which protects his heart and lungs and supports him,
as you are meant to do.”
“Around this one bone I shaped you. I modeled you. I
created you perfectly and beautifully. Your
characteristics are as the rib, strong yet delicate
and fragile. You provide protection for the most
delicate organ in man, his heart. His heart is the
center of his being; his lungs hold the breath of
life. The rib cage will allow itself to be broken
before it will allow damage to the heart. Support man
as the rib cage supports the body.”
“You were not taken from his feet, to be under him,
nor were you taken from his head, to be above him. You
were taken from his side, to stand beside him and be
held close to his side. You are my perfect angel. You
are my beautiful little girl. You have grown to be a
splendid woman of excellence, and my eyes fill when I
see the virtue in your heart. Your eyes: don’t change
them. Your lips: how lovely when they part in prayer.
Your nose so perfect in form, your hands so gentle to
touch. I’ve caressed your face in your deepest sleep;
I’ve held your heart close to mine. Of all that lives
and breathes, you are the most like me.”
“Adam walked with me in the cool of the day and yet he
was lonely. He could not see me or touch me. He could
only feel me. So everything I wanted Adam to share and
experience with me, I fashioned in you: my holiness,
my strength, my purity, my love, my protection and
support. You are special because you are the extension
of me.”
“Man represents my image, woman – my emotions.
Together, you represent the totality of God. So man:
treat woman well. Love her, respect her, for she is
fragile. In hurting her, you hurt me. What you do to
her, you do to me. In crushing her, you only damage
your own heart, the heart of your Father and the heart
of her Father. Woman, support man. In humility, show
him the power of emotion I have given you. In gentle
quietness show your strength. In love, show him that
you are the rib that protects his inner self.”



Also, check out this link...
http://difficultlyglorious.wordpress.com/2010/03/26/if-ribs-could-talk/

Why God’s Love Is Better Than “Unconditional”

Why God’s Love Is Better Than “Unconditional”

Wow!!!! This gives me a whole new way of looking at God's love. <3


In his essay-turned-booklet, God’s Love: Better Than Unconditional, David Powlison suggests that people who use the term often have good intentions, wanting to affirm four interrelated truths:

1. “Conditional love” is bad—unconditional is shorthand for the opposite of manipulation, demand, judgmentalism.
2. God’s love is patient—unconditional is shorthand for hanging on for the long haul, rather than bailing out when the going gets rough.
3. True love is God’s gift—unconditional is shorthand for unearned blessings, rather than legalism.
4. God receives you just as you are: sinful, suffering, confused—unconditional is shorthand for God’s invitation to rough, dirty, broken people.

These are true—and precious. But Powlison offers several responses. (I can only summarize and paraphrase here—buy the booklet to see the arguments in full.)
First, Powlison suggests that “there are more biblical and vivid ways to capture each of the four truths just stated.” “People currently employ a somewhat vague, abstract word—unconditional—when the Bible gives us more vivid and specific words, metaphors, and stories.”
Second, it’s not true that unmerited grace is strictly unconditional. Jesus Christ opened a way for us to experience the biblical love of God by fulfilling two conditions: a life of perfect obedience to the moral will of God, and a perfect substitutionary death on our behalf. Powlison writes: “Unconditional love? No, something much better. People who now use the word unconditional often communicate an acceptance neutered of this detailed, Christ-specific truth.”
Third, God’s love is more than conditional, for it is intended to change those who receive it. “Unconditional” often connotes “you’re okay.” But there is something wrong with you. The word “unconditional” may well express the welcome of God, but it does not well express the point of his welcome.
Fourth, “unconditional love” carries a load of cultural baggage, wedded to words like “tolerance, acceptance, affirmation, benign, okay,” and a philosophy that says love should not impose values, expectations, or beliefs on another. In fact, humanist psychology even has a term for it: “unconditional positive regard” (Carl Rogers).
Powlison says, “We can do better”:

Saying “God’s love is unconditional love” is a bit like saying “The sun’s light at high noon is a flashlight in a blackout.”
Come again?
A dim bulb sustains certain analogies to the sun.
Unconditional love does sustain certain analogies to God’s love.
But why not start with the blazing sun rather than the flashlight?
When you look closely, God’s love is very different from “unconditional positive regard,” the seedbed of contemporary notions of unconditional love.
God does not accept me just as I am;
He loves me despite how I am;
He loves me just as Jesus is;
He loves me enough to devote my life to renewing me in the image of Jesus.
This love is much, much, much better than unconditional! Perhaps we could call it “contraconditional” love.
Contrary to the conditions for knowing God’s blessing, He has blessed me because His Son fulfilled the conditions.
Contrary to my due, He loves me.
And now I can begin to change, not to earn love but because of love.
. . . You need something better than unconditional love.
You need the crown of thorns.
You need the touch of life to the dead son of the widow of Nain.
You need the promise to the repentant thief.
You need to know, “I will never leave you or forsake you.”
You need forgiveness.
You need a Vinedresser, a Shepherd, a Father, a Savior.
You need to become like the one who loves you.
You need the better love of Jesus.

For a complementary perspective, see John Piper’s answer, “Is God’s Love Unconditional?“

86,400

Email I got from my dad that I wanted to share. Kind of goes along with my Life is Short post.


Imagine that you had won the following prize in a contest:
Each morning your bank would deposit $86,400.00 in your private account
for your use.
However, this prize has rules, just as any game has certain rules.

The first set of rules would be:
Everything that you didn't spend during each day would be taken
away from you.
You may not simply transfer money into some other account.
You may only spend it.
Each morning upon awakening, the bank opens your account with another
$86,400.00 for that day.

The second set of rules:
The bank can end the game without warning; at any time it can say,
Its over,the game is over!
It can close the account and you will not receive a new one.

What would you personally do?
You would buy anything and everything you wanted, right?
Not only for yourself, but for all people you love, right?

Even for people you don't know, because you couldn't possibly
spend it all on yourself, right?
You would try to spend every cent, and use it all, right?ACTUALLY, this GAME is REALITY!Each of us is in possession of such a magical bank. We just can't seem to see it.
The MAGICAL BANK is TIME!
Each morning we awaken to receive 86,400 seconds as a gift of life, and when
we go to sleep at night, any remaining time is NOT credited to us.
What we haven't used up that day is forever lost.Yesterday is forever gone.Each morning the account is refilled, but the bank can dissolve your account
at any time....WITHOUT WARNING.SO, what will YOU do with your next 86,400 seconds?Aren't they worth so much more than the same amount in dollars?
Think about that, and always think of this:
Enjoy every second of your life, because time races by so much quicker
than you think.So take care of yourself, be Happy, Love Deeply and enjoy your life!Here's wishing you a wonderful and beautiful day!!!

Heaven!

I am super distracted today. Firstly, it's Valentine's Day, but other than the distraction of the fact that I am single... I am also distracted by a million other things, my car situation (my tire blew out this weekend & my other car is in the shop), my job, my bills, my friendships, this headache I seem to get every day multiple times throughout the day. The list could go on with all the things that are distracting me. You get the point. So sorry if this post seems scatter-brained. Hopefully it will still make sense & I will be able to get my point across.

I had an amazing day yesterday. Clay, Kendra, & I went to the Austin Stone for church. Matt Carter gave his sermon on Heaven. It was a fun, happy message about the promises of Heaven & the new world. Isaiah 65:17 "Behold, I will create new heavens and a new earth. The former things will not be remembered, nor will they come to mind."  2 Peter 3:13 But in keeping with his promise we are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth, the home of righteousness.  Revelation 21:1 Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea.

Listen to Matt Carter's sermon at this link below.

http://www.austinstone.org/resources/sermons/category/what_will_heaven_be_like/


How exciting is that sermon!!! I am so ready for a world without sin. I am so ready to meet Jesus & God & all the people from the Bible. I am so ready to have relationships without sin. I am just sitting here trying to imagine all this & I am in complete awe. There is no way I can even imagine how wonderful it is all going to be, yet I am so excited & fired up about it. I hope that you are too!  A world with no insecurites, no worries, not death, no tears, no sin, no pain... best of all our creator will be there with us!

God is molding me into the person that I was made to be. Sometimes I may fail, but He is always there to pick me up.

I don't need anything but Jesus & God's Grace. I am going to try to stop worrying about the small things. I am going to stop worrying about "boys". I don't need them. I am going to start focusing more on the important things. It won't be easy. But is anything ever worth doing or worth having easy to obtain?

Today, Jesus is my valentine. <3 & Everyday from now on for that matter & he even was every day before that I Just didn't realize it :)

Life is short

I know we have all heard the phrase that "life is short, so cherish it," or "life is short, don't waste it," etc. But, have you ever really thought about that phrase? Really, have you? Life does not seem short.. especially not at the age of myself & my peers. Sometimes we seem to think we are on top of the word & invincible. Sure we see things happen to people our age, but we think, jeez that will never happen to me. We think we have nothing but time, so we constanly put things off thinking that we can get to that later, we are still young.

If we continue to think like this we will probably end up old & regretting putting things off & not living life to the fullest in our younger moments when we were much more capable of doing things. That is, if we even live long enough to grow old. Life is fragile. It could be over at any moment.

"Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered- how fleeting my life is. You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand. My entire lifetime is just a moment to you; at best, each of us is but a breath." Psalm 39: 4-5 (New Living Translation).

Imagine when you breathe onto glass, & how your breath appears on the glass for only an instant & then disappears. I picture our life to be like that. Compared to eternity; our lives are but mere breaths.

So, I ask you, where do you want to spend your enternity after this life? How are you spending your life right now? What would you do differently today if you knew you were going to die tomorrow?

In church, we have been discussing eternity. This quote continuously got brought up. I think it is an awesome & powerful quote...

"I resolve to live everyday as if I had already seen the happiness of heaven and the torments of hell."
- Johnathan Edwards

Wow! How awesome is that quote?? I want to start living everyday like that. Thinking about the happiness of Heaven & the torments of Hell. Imagine how differently I would live my life if I could do that!

Matt Carter is doing his entire sermon on Heaven this Sunday. I will definitely share it with you guys. My last post was his sermon on Hell. I highly recommend listening to it.

This post was inspired by my friend who I almost lost Thursday night. She had a really bad car wreck. I am so thankful that God was watching over her & has kept her here with us. He must have a plan for her. <3 I am excited to see what that plan is. But it made me stop & think about how fragile life really is. So don't waste another minute. Start living life today as if you were to die tomorrow, I mean really. Be authentic (inspired by Holly Stallcup's blog... http://www.fallinginlovedevo.blogspot.com/ ) with yourself & others. Truely take the time to let the people you love & care about know how much you love & care about them. Take the time to get to know other people. Most importantly, take the time to know God better & pursue your relationship with Him.

Thoughts on Hell...

Last Sunday Clay & I went to the Austin Stone, like we have started doing every Sunday, but this Sunday was different. This Sunday Matt Carter delivered a very powerful message. (Okay, well every Sunday he delivers a powerful message in my opinion, but this one even more so).
His entire message was on Hell. Which pastor’s don’t ever talk about these days. Not an entire sermon like that anyway. It was intense, it was powerful, it made me think a whole lot & see things differently. I just want to share it with everyone…
http://www.austinstone.org/resources/sermons/category/hell/
At this link you can listen to the podcast of the sermon that day.
The line that probably made me think the most was one of his last lines.
 He says something along the lines of…
For non-believers, enjoy this world, because earth is the closest to Heaven you are ever going to get. For believers who have put their faith & trust in Jesus, endure this world, because earth is the closest to Hell you are ever going to get.

Every Woman Should Read This

These words are amazing. I live by these. Every woman should, don't waste your time, don't feel heartache for a man whose not going to show you he loves you. He may say he does, but if he's not going to show you, his words mean nothing.
I know I'm never going to waste my time on a man who doesn't show me he loves me.

He can have an amazing personality. You can watch
him across a room and laugh at everything he says. He
can charm a stone.  He can charm you.  He can make you
feel like he is the only person alive who understands
you at that moment. He can fill the air with wit and
with charisma and with enthusiasm.
     But if he fills you with nothing, he ain't worth
it.  It doesn't matter how hilarious he is. How smart
he is, how creative he is, how dynamic, how thrilling,
how sweet, how original.  It matters how he treats
you.  And there it is.
     The difficult part of finding someone you want to
be with isn't finding someone whose personality
entertains you. It isn't that he can crack you up or turn
you on. Of course, it is those things, but it's so much
more.  If he's interested in you some of the time but
not all of the time he's not the one.  If he makes
you giggle but makes you cry he's not the one.  If he
makes you think but makes you think ill of yourself
he's not the one.  He's got to want you as much as you
want him. You can't just convince yourself that deep
down he does just because you want him to want you as
much as you want him.  It doesn't matter what he feels
deep down if he doesn't show it.
     This isn't a movie. This is real life.  Movies
have brainwashed you. Sure they have. Pure and simple.
In every tale of the beast who is tamed by the beauty.
Whether the beast in him be insecurity or alcohol or
drugs or other women. Or heartlessness or brainlessness
or cowardice.  Listen up. You're not his Beauty,
you're not his Dorothy, you're not his therapist, and
you're most assuredly not his wizard.  He is who he is. And
because you are who you are give up. It doesn't make
you weak. It doesn't mean you weren't good enough. It
means you have a lick of sense about you. There will
be no "Happily Ever After" at the end of your
dysfunctional version of the yellow brick road.
     You love tales in which the beast changes for the
love of the woman because it makes you feel like you
hold some kind of magical power over him. To transform
him into who he really wants to be. To reveal the
prince within the monster.  But guess what? You don't hold
that power. Newsflash:  No one does. He is the only
one who holds the power to change himself. And if he
hasn't changed for himself, he sure as hell isn't going
to do it for you.  This isn't Beauty and the Beast. It
isn't any version of the story of the asshole who
turns his life around because some dame sees the good in
him.
     The truest stories are those of the man who does
change for a little while, or at least seems to, but
goes back to his old ways and leaves the hopeful woman
disappointed. This doesn't make him evil. It makes him
human. The human who isn't right for you.  It's not
your fault. It doesn't mean you weren't intelligent
enough, or funny enough, or beautiful enough, or unique
enough, or understanding enough, or patient enough. You
weren't the muse to inspire him, because that muse
does not exist. It doesn't mean that you can't still be
his friend.
     Chances are that eventually he will meet someone
and settle down and seem to become all of the things
that you hoped he could be for you.   But don't let
this hurt you. Don't be fooled. You were good enough for
him. He just wasn't good enough for you.
     If you continue hoping that sooner or later he
will come around, realize how wonderful you are, and how
you deserve better and that he's not living up to his
full potential as a person, you are breaking your own
heart. He isn't. You are. You know deep down who he
is. YOU KNOW. Beneath the goodness hiding beneath his
fear is an even deeper fear that will prevent him from
ever in one million years being what you think he can
be. You know it. Stop bullshitting yourself. No amount
of either bullying or coddling from you is going to
bring him around. You know this deep down, oh yes you do
but you stay.  Because keeping yourself tied to a
man who will never change keeps you from getting
involved with a man who might change you.
     Admitting that stops making it about his fear,
though, and makes it about yours.  Listen to me.
Somewhere out there waits a man who will be strong enough for
your strength. Wise enough for your wisdom.  A wise
woman waits for that man. She doesn't waste herself on a
madman because she will feel like more of a woman if
she is the one who can finally cure him of
his demons.  Being a woman is knowing you haven't sold
yourself short. That you haven't allowed his failures
to become your own.  Being a woman is being brave. 
Not brave enough to stay and try to change him.
     Brave enough to walk away!!!

You deserve the best!

My daddy emailed this to me, I've read things like this before... & I am sure most of you have but here is a reminder...

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot- who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake to watch you sleep... the boy who kisses your forehead... who holds your hand in front of his friends & thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on, who is constantly reminding you of how ...much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU... who turns to his friends and says, "that's her"....

Remember girls/women you deserve the best. You deserve the above. Don't settle. Hold out & wait for this guy. He is out there. I promise. =]

A New Direction

It has been a year & about three months since I have graduated from McMurry. I graduated with no clue of what to do with my life. I knew I wanted to take a year off from school before going on to graduate school. So I moved into my parents house & took the first job I got offered, which happened to be at the bank. I instantly took to a life that was almost like college, except instead of class I went to work. I would go out to the bars all the time, stay out late, whatever.

Here lately, I've gotten tired of that life. I moved out of my parent's house about a month & a half ago or so. I've stopped going out to the bar completely on weekdays. I go maybe once if even that on the weekends. There's just too much drama at the bar, not to mention the waste of money. I am tired of the men I meet at the bars who try to pursue me.  Not all of the men I have met at the bars have been that awful, but I mean really, think about it, it's hard to meet a decent man at the bar. It's not that I would even go out to the bar to meet men, but of course it would happen regardless. I'm getting off subject though. I would go out, drink too much, stay up late, spend too much money, & feel awful at work the next day. This was not getting me anywhere in life. It has helped since I have moved to Horseshoe Bay. I am trying to budget my money better & save. Plus, I'm not as close to the bars, it's not as convenient. & I love my parents to death, but I think a lot of the reason I would go out would be to get some space of my own & away from them, out of their house, you know. So now I more or less have my own space to go to. I can invite whoever I want to come over whenever. It's definitely made a difference.

Besides minimizing the bar scene in my life majorly, I have started maximizing God in my life. The Sunday before last  I went with my roomie & her parents to a church in Austin called the Austin Stone. I absolutely loved it. There are a lot of college students that go there... a lot of young people & the dress is very casual. It was a lot like church camp. Haha. Really, a worship band on stage, a huge screen, dim lights. It's held in Stephen F. Austin's High School gym.  It was awesome. The pastor was awesome, he kept my interest, made me laugh, it was great. Then this past Sunday I went with Mike, who I met at the stone through my roomie & her parent, to a church in Bastrop which is at the Bastrop middle school. It is called River Valley. It was Jersey day, to kick off the start of NFL. So most people were sporting their favorite teams jersey. It was very laid back & relaxed. The worship band was called Burgundy Road. They are absolutely amazing people. I got to talk to all of them & hang out with a few of them afterwards. I love these two churches and plan to continue attending church every Sunday, maybe I will alternate Sundays & continue attending both.

As for my job & where I am right now in life.. I still do not have it all figured out. But that's ok. I finally feel like I am starting down the right path, the right direction. I am not too worried about it. God will help me figure it out. He will send me down the right path & where I need to go. All I have to do is trust in Him & have faith.

=]

An Angel Sent to me in 2006

So I had to work at JC Penney's on Christmas Eve from 8am to 2pm.


I have been real stressed out lately and making everything a big deal.

So, I was helping this elderly man find some slippers that would fit him, and he found them and said he wanted to do some more shopping and that he would be back to get them.

So I continue helping other customers and eventually he comes back so I hand him his slippers and he pulls me to the side and says:


"I'm a Christian and I have these cards that I pass out to people when I feel led to pass them out to someone. Well, I was walking around the mall and I suddenly strongly felt that I should give you one, now I don't look at them, I just hand them out, so take this one and read to me what it says."



I reach for the card and read it out loud to him, "Lighten Up Ya'll! Rejoice in the Lord always; again, I will say Rejoice!"



He said, "God wanted you to have that" He then gave me a hug and said, "Merry Christmas and God Bless."




I almost started crying... it's just what I needed and it brought me back to what I've been missing lately.

"Our fingertips don't fade from the lives we touch." - Remember Me

I absolutely love this quote. I think it sets the whole tone for this movie. But what about in life? It's so true. We definitely have the ability to affect other people. Sometimes we do not realize how much we affect others. Keeping this in mind, you should always treat others with respect & how you would want to be treated.

Thinking back on all the people in my life, there are definitely many who have left fingertips on me.

 Some have inspired me.

Some have helped me to be where I am today.

Some have held me back.

Some have hurt me very badly.

My point being, people help shape the person we are today, & will continue to help shape the people we will be in the future. Yes, we have a choice to how we will respond to the things that happen to us, & what people will do to us, & these are all learning experiences, but we can not always control how people will touch our lives. We can only learn from them.

Reason I'm here.

Going to use this as a way to get thoughts, ideas, feelings, whatever off my chest. I will post more later, when I have time.