Every Woman Should Read This

These words are amazing. I live by these. Every woman should, don't waste your time, don't feel heartache for a man whose not going to show you he loves you. He may say he does, but if he's not going to show you, his words mean nothing.
I know I'm never going to waste my time on a man who doesn't show me he loves me.

He can have an amazing personality. You can watch
him across a room and laugh at everything he says. He
can charm a stone.  He can charm you.  He can make you
feel like he is the only person alive who understands
you at that moment. He can fill the air with wit and
with charisma and with enthusiasm.
     But if he fills you with nothing, he ain't worth
it.  It doesn't matter how hilarious he is. How smart
he is, how creative he is, how dynamic, how thrilling,
how sweet, how original.  It matters how he treats
you.  And there it is.
     The difficult part of finding someone you want to
be with isn't finding someone whose personality
entertains you. It isn't that he can crack you up or turn
you on. Of course, it is those things, but it's so much
more.  If he's interested in you some of the time but
not all of the time he's not the one.  If he makes
you giggle but makes you cry he's not the one.  If he
makes you think but makes you think ill of yourself
he's not the one.  He's got to want you as much as you
want him. You can't just convince yourself that deep
down he does just because you want him to want you as
much as you want him.  It doesn't matter what he feels
deep down if he doesn't show it.
     This isn't a movie. This is real life.  Movies
have brainwashed you. Sure they have. Pure and simple.
In every tale of the beast who is tamed by the beauty.
Whether the beast in him be insecurity or alcohol or
drugs or other women. Or heartlessness or brainlessness
or cowardice.  Listen up. You're not his Beauty,
you're not his Dorothy, you're not his therapist, and
you're most assuredly not his wizard.  He is who he is. And
because you are who you are give up. It doesn't make
you weak. It doesn't mean you weren't good enough. It
means you have a lick of sense about you. There will
be no "Happily Ever After" at the end of your
dysfunctional version of the yellow brick road.
     You love tales in which the beast changes for the
love of the woman because it makes you feel like you
hold some kind of magical power over him. To transform
him into who he really wants to be. To reveal the
prince within the monster.  But guess what? You don't hold
that power. Newsflash:  No one does. He is the only
one who holds the power to change himself. And if he
hasn't changed for himself, he sure as hell isn't going
to do it for you.  This isn't Beauty and the Beast. It
isn't any version of the story of the asshole who
turns his life around because some dame sees the good in
him.
     The truest stories are those of the man who does
change for a little while, or at least seems to, but
goes back to his old ways and leaves the hopeful woman
disappointed. This doesn't make him evil. It makes him
human. The human who isn't right for you.  It's not
your fault. It doesn't mean you weren't intelligent
enough, or funny enough, or beautiful enough, or unique
enough, or understanding enough, or patient enough. You
weren't the muse to inspire him, because that muse
does not exist. It doesn't mean that you can't still be
his friend.
     Chances are that eventually he will meet someone
and settle down and seem to become all of the things
that you hoped he could be for you.   But don't let
this hurt you. Don't be fooled. You were good enough for
him. He just wasn't good enough for you.
     If you continue hoping that sooner or later he
will come around, realize how wonderful you are, and how
you deserve better and that he's not living up to his
full potential as a person, you are breaking your own
heart. He isn't. You are. You know deep down who he
is. YOU KNOW. Beneath the goodness hiding beneath his
fear is an even deeper fear that will prevent him from
ever in one million years being what you think he can
be. You know it. Stop bullshitting yourself. No amount
of either bullying or coddling from you is going to
bring him around. You know this deep down, oh yes you do
but you stay.  Because keeping yourself tied to a
man who will never change keeps you from getting
involved with a man who might change you.
     Admitting that stops making it about his fear,
though, and makes it about yours.  Listen to me.
Somewhere out there waits a man who will be strong enough for
your strength. Wise enough for your wisdom.  A wise
woman waits for that man. She doesn't waste herself on a
madman because she will feel like more of a woman if
she is the one who can finally cure him of
his demons.  Being a woman is knowing you haven't sold
yourself short. That you haven't allowed his failures
to become your own.  Being a woman is being brave. 
Not brave enough to stay and try to change him.
     Brave enough to walk away!!!

You deserve the best!

My daddy emailed this to me, I've read things like this before... & I am sure most of you have but here is a reminder...

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot- who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake to watch you sleep... the boy who kisses your forehead... who holds your hand in front of his friends & thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on, who is constantly reminding you of how ...much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU... who turns to his friends and says, "that's her"....

Remember girls/women you deserve the best. You deserve the above. Don't settle. Hold out & wait for this guy. He is out there. I promise. =]

A New Direction

It has been a year & about three months since I have graduated from McMurry. I graduated with no clue of what to do with my life. I knew I wanted to take a year off from school before going on to graduate school. So I moved into my parents house & took the first job I got offered, which happened to be at the bank. I instantly took to a life that was almost like college, except instead of class I went to work. I would go out to the bars all the time, stay out late, whatever.

Here lately, I've gotten tired of that life. I moved out of my parent's house about a month & a half ago or so. I've stopped going out to the bar completely on weekdays. I go maybe once if even that on the weekends. There's just too much drama at the bar, not to mention the waste of money. I am tired of the men I meet at the bars who try to pursue me.  Not all of the men I have met at the bars have been that awful, but I mean really, think about it, it's hard to meet a decent man at the bar. It's not that I would even go out to the bar to meet men, but of course it would happen regardless. I'm getting off subject though. I would go out, drink too much, stay up late, spend too much money, & feel awful at work the next day. This was not getting me anywhere in life. It has helped since I have moved to Horseshoe Bay. I am trying to budget my money better & save. Plus, I'm not as close to the bars, it's not as convenient. & I love my parents to death, but I think a lot of the reason I would go out would be to get some space of my own & away from them, out of their house, you know. So now I more or less have my own space to go to. I can invite whoever I want to come over whenever. It's definitely made a difference.

Besides minimizing the bar scene in my life majorly, I have started maximizing God in my life. The Sunday before last  I went with my roomie & her parents to a church in Austin called the Austin Stone. I absolutely loved it. There are a lot of college students that go there... a lot of young people & the dress is very casual. It was a lot like church camp. Haha. Really, a worship band on stage, a huge screen, dim lights. It's held in Stephen F. Austin's High School gym.  It was awesome. The pastor was awesome, he kept my interest, made me laugh, it was great. Then this past Sunday I went with Mike, who I met at the stone through my roomie & her parent, to a church in Bastrop which is at the Bastrop middle school. It is called River Valley. It was Jersey day, to kick off the start of NFL. So most people were sporting their favorite teams jersey. It was very laid back & relaxed. The worship band was called Burgundy Road. They are absolutely amazing people. I got to talk to all of them & hang out with a few of them afterwards. I love these two churches and plan to continue attending church every Sunday, maybe I will alternate Sundays & continue attending both.

As for my job & where I am right now in life.. I still do not have it all figured out. But that's ok. I finally feel like I am starting down the right path, the right direction. I am not too worried about it. God will help me figure it out. He will send me down the right path & where I need to go. All I have to do is trust in Him & have faith.

=]

An Angel Sent to me in 2006

So I had to work at JC Penney's on Christmas Eve from 8am to 2pm.


I have been real stressed out lately and making everything a big deal.

So, I was helping this elderly man find some slippers that would fit him, and he found them and said he wanted to do some more shopping and that he would be back to get them.

So I continue helping other customers and eventually he comes back so I hand him his slippers and he pulls me to the side and says:


"I'm a Christian and I have these cards that I pass out to people when I feel led to pass them out to someone. Well, I was walking around the mall and I suddenly strongly felt that I should give you one, now I don't look at them, I just hand them out, so take this one and read to me what it says."



I reach for the card and read it out loud to him, "Lighten Up Ya'll! Rejoice in the Lord always; again, I will say Rejoice!"



He said, "God wanted you to have that" He then gave me a hug and said, "Merry Christmas and God Bless."




I almost started crying... it's just what I needed and it brought me back to what I've been missing lately.